give...sacrify...give...sacrify...give...sacrify....

I learn about 'giving' and 'sacrifying' from a friend few years back.
He told me that 'giving' is an act of give away something or help others without hoping for feedback.
While 'sacrifying' is more to an act which hopes for recognition, or feedback from the person we are helping.
Both words, however, means to give away things, or helps in any form to the 'needy-ies'.

I went through this two words again tonight.
When I was talking to my love one, I'm actually hoping that he would understand what my expectation to him when I told him to treat me nicer.
He was not treating me badly all tis while, but e just doing it the wrong way, I think.
As he told me that to treat a person nicely is not from his act but from his heart.

While it linked to my thoughts which if your heart and ur mind is set and wants to treat a person nicely, then you will automatically looking for ways.
Like me, I feel guilty if I keep on talking loudly to my grandma.
I tried and always tell myself to talk to her nicely each time when I see her.

So, in another way, I think this theory of mine, do works in logical thinking ;]p

And....am just another person practicing the act of 'sacrifying'.

thanks to my regret

i'm feeling endless regret deep inside my heart.
regret, regret, and regret.....

I had published an article few days back...
and it was read by my boy friend.
he was very sad after have a look on it.

he told me he very sad and feel very disappointed in me.
he asked me "are u the girl in the story"

once i heard, i knew something is wrong...
i do not know how to solve it as i am the cause to everything.

'Forever Love' a song by Leehom which I still love it till today.
one of it lyrics tell love is the longest and farer journey we ever go.

I think in this journey, we can learn endless lessons.
it will not only benefit us by to the people around us as well.

I learned something today and I know it better than I was.
Thank you

i'm feeling sick...

i'm not feeling well today.
once i back from work,
my head became heavier and my body getting lighter...
hopefully he will come to me.

i went to two Raya open house today.
the first one seem like a reunion of all the 10 generation in this psecial occasion.
another one was hosted by a Berita Harian reporter.
one held in a big house with spaces compound and the later one in a small terrace house.
i was warmly welcome and served with bermacam-macam juadah hari raya

supposingly i shouldn't take up those food but i did at last.
i just don't know how to reject them or tell them 'No thanks, I'm very full now'

as i continued, i knew i'll get sick at the end of the day.
hahahhaahahha....i tasted the uncomfortable now.
i'll then sleep early la...since i not feeling good.
i'm 'entitled' to two days off
thank you and selamat hari raya everyone.

p/s: abang joe, i joking only, so dun be angry oh. and all the food served to us just now is delicious, love it :]p

a song for us

I been listening to a song over and over again this few days.
It is a mandarin song by Gary Cao, 曹格.

After a big fight, I suddenly realise that I should not be so selfish.
Maybe I should let go this time.
I can feel his frustration towards this relationship.
As he had enough 'surprises' from me almost every week.


雨 不停落下来
花 怎么都不开
尽管我细心灌溉
你说不爱就不爱
我 一个人欣赏悲哀

爱 只剩下无奈
我 一直不愿再去猜
钢琴上黑键之间永远都夹着空白
缺了一块就不精采

紧紧相依的心如何 say goodbye
你比我清楚还要我说明白
爱太深会让人疯狂的勇敢
我用背叛自己完成你的期盼

把手放开不问一句 say goodbye
当作最后一次对你的溺爱
冷冷清清淡淡今后都不管
只要你能愉快

心 有一句感慨
我 还能够跟谁对白
在你关上门之前 替我再回头看看
那些片段还在不在

I had always thought of our happy ending in this relationship but I spoiled it.
Because of my stubborn and not even a gentle one, comparing to others.
Heart broken, when he told he to go for others...
[tears came out...]

sleepy

I wasn't feeling well in the past 2 days.
Feel like a dead fish walking around in the office or even at home.

Maybe...I am not brave enough to face the fact that my 'new' laptop's creen broke.
I just had it for not even 10 days...
Imagine, i fork out 1,000 for this and i have to pay another 500 - 1,000 for the screen..
Sigh...
Or maybe I'm worries about my grandma as she fall down three days ago.

Wish i could be better tomorrow.
:]p

A poem for the loves one

Here is a poem which i think is something that can bring me closer to this world.
It's taken from an old Hollywood movie.
Maggie read it aloud in her sister's, Rose, wedding.

I carry your heart with me
I carry it in my heart
I am never without it
Anywhere I go, you go, my dear
And whatever is done my only me
is your doing, my darling
I fear no fate, for you are my fate, my sweet
I want no world, for beautiful
you are my world, my true

Here is the deepest secret no one knows
Here is the root of the root
and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky called life
which grows higher than the soul can hope
or mind can hide

It's the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
I carry your heart
I carry it in my heart

-E.E Cummings- [In Her Shoe]