only a word can describe my situation now - pissed off.
真的不能再忍下去了。。。心情一直都无法平静下来。
今天是我换了第二份工作以来最不开心的一天。
工作上不如意的事，有时候真的很容易就可以放下，但是这一次应该没有这么容易了。
想想被编辑这么一说，很容易的就会开始思索到底这份工适合自己吗？
整个下午，我的脑海里浮现的，就是到底下一步要怎么做。
要知道被骂得时候，我的脑海里，一直想到底要回答些什么，接下来应该要怎样应付等，比辩论会还可怜。
因为无论我想到什么都不能回答，只因自己真的是错、错、错。
除了觉得自己的没有责任之外，还发现对工作的热忱已经降低到了极点。
编辑对自己的期望，好像已经没有当初录取我时高了。。。
该怎么办呢？我要做什么才行？？
被训话之后，我很想找个地方躲起来。
第一次这样难受、为难及无助。
感觉比空虚还难说出口，比被人冤枉还来得委屈。
心里开始出现很多问题。而自己却做不了什么。
在回家的途中，拨电给一个可以让自己觉得有安全感的人，但是却不能立刻找到他。
兜兜转转后，拨电和朋友随便聊聊之后，又给他拨了个长途电话。
终于还是让我和他谈了一会儿。可是问题却没能解决。。。
他应该不明白我那复杂的心情吧，男生多数都是很难明白女生，尤其是像我这般喜欢一开口就把事情搞得乱七八糟的人。
好失望，真的好失望。他只能对我说，多多努力，一定会有回报的。
心里想要听的，并不是这些话。
将近十一点时，不甘心的我，再次的拨电给他。
在我细说事情的来龙去脉时，说到很想哭时，他淡淡的说，哭有用吗？可以解决你的问题吗？
我顿时觉得这个男的真的可以丢下山崖了。。。
于是狠狠地骂了他无情后，我在心碎的心情下，写下了自己的不愉快。
也许是自己要求太高，要别人明白自己的想法。
但是对于一个自己深爱的人，我很想得到他的呵护、温柔的慰问。
然而一切就如流水般冲走。。。
我没有什么话可以说，也许是自己对他的期望太高吧！
自己的不开心就如以往般，塞入那小小的口袋里，再用力吞噬它。
这样就会减少对别人的期望及对自己带来的失望了。
也是保护自己软弱一面的唯一小小办法了。
对不起。。。这已经不是第一次了。。。
Saturday, April 12
Wednesday, April 9
high technology and troubles...
hmm... 'masalah, masalah & masalah...' (trouble, trouble & trouble...) has been word put in our mouth everyday.
and this morning my colleagues been busy with the new system which introduced by the IT departments crews two days ago.
what the crews are doing is installing the new system to our desktops and notebooks at the same time upgrading the window software so that it compatible with the new system.
and what makes not only me but few of my other colleagues frustrating is that the new system is not compatible with window vista....hmmm masalah lah ni.
this word no doubt was spoken by a few of my colleagues but not me.
honestly, i don't see whether there is problem for me to sent story without the new system.
the thing is, the high technology have allow us to use the email to do so many things...
bah i better get off la....boring.
and this morning my colleagues been busy with the new system which introduced by the IT departments crews two days ago.
what the crews are doing is installing the new system to our desktops and notebooks at the same time upgrading the window software so that it compatible with the new system.
and what makes not only me but few of my other colleagues frustrating is that the new system is not compatible with window vista....hmmm masalah lah ni.
this word no doubt was spoken by a few of my colleagues but not me.
honestly, i don't see whether there is problem for me to sent story without the new system.
the thing is, the high technology have allow us to use the email to do so many things...
bah i better get off la....boring.
Sunday, February 24
The election after 1957
Am I still eligible in this coming election? Can I go to vote even I'm walking with a stick?
That's the questions throw on me from my 80 plus granny right after I stepped into the house just now.
Without a second thought, I told her not to think so much on the election and rather stay at home during the polling day.
But, a few second after that, I was regret and hoping to draw back my answer.
This is not right. I should not stop my grandma to vote and if she is able to.
Back to that, I asked myself why I did not register as a voter.
I should have done it years back since I'm going into 25 August this year. Look at grandma, she couldn't walk or stand longer thn five minutes, yet she want to vote for the party.
That's not the only thought flash through my brain at this moment. I had event think of what kind of responsibility of the people in the 50s and 60s think about election... Also what made them so insist on giving vote to the party they loyal to.
In another way, what the people today think about election? As public announcement and advertisement had been promoting and emphasis on becoming a voter.
Besides, do the political parties candidates understand their role and who are they campaigning for? For the people? For the party? Or, for the wealth?
Good words have been putting on their mouth saying that they going to change this and that, developing here and there, or even lower the petrol and fuel price for the sake of the people.
How many of them are being faithful behind the words they were saying? How many of them will be keeping their promise? That would be answered to you in your heart.
Even me, a person working in the media industry can't even asnwer to that question. Many rumors and stories been passing to us and that's the reality and the politic.
(I could not put it as reality in politic. The fact that in reality, people think of themself before help the others. In politic, people choose the party that can ensure harmony for them, or people use the politic to do many 'other' things.)
And, all these leading to why many Malaysians refused to register or even vote in the election.
Well I'm not a politic analysis but I'm just shouting the voicec inside me. Also I wanted to study the voters mind in the 50s and 60s.
Are they influenced by Tunku Abdul Abdul Rahman or just the followers of the trend after the riot in 1969?
Finally I wonder what made my grandma insist to go to vote? She would probabaly start talking about how she is going to go during March 8. What time she must prepare herself and where should she put the 'X'.
So guys, we should start thinking of what we want rather than should we performe our responsibility as a Malaysian, I guess so.
That's the questions throw on me from my 80 plus granny right after I stepped into the house just now.
Without a second thought, I told her not to think so much on the election and rather stay at home during the polling day.
But, a few second after that, I was regret and hoping to draw back my answer.
This is not right. I should not stop my grandma to vote and if she is able to.
Back to that, I asked myself why I did not register as a voter.
I should have done it years back since I'm going into 25 August this year. Look at grandma, she couldn't walk or stand longer thn five minutes, yet she want to vote for the party.
That's not the only thought flash through my brain at this moment. I had event think of what kind of responsibility of the people in the 50s and 60s think about election... Also what made them so insist on giving vote to the party they loyal to.
In another way, what the people today think about election? As public announcement and advertisement had been promoting and emphasis on becoming a voter.
Besides, do the political parties candidates understand their role and who are they campaigning for? For the people? For the party? Or, for the wealth?
Good words have been putting on their mouth saying that they going to change this and that, developing here and there, or even lower the petrol and fuel price for the sake of the people.
How many of them are being faithful behind the words they were saying? How many of them will be keeping their promise? That would be answered to you in your heart.
Even me, a person working in the media industry can't even asnwer to that question. Many rumors and stories been passing to us and that's the reality and the politic.
(I could not put it as reality in politic. The fact that in reality, people think of themself before help the others. In politic, people choose the party that can ensure harmony for them, or people use the politic to do many 'other' things.)
And, all these leading to why many Malaysians refused to register or even vote in the election.
Well I'm not a politic analysis but I'm just shouting the voicec inside me. Also I wanted to study the voters mind in the 50s and 60s.
Are they influenced by Tunku Abdul Abdul Rahman or just the followers of the trend after the riot in 1969?
Finally I wonder what made my grandma insist to go to vote? She would probabaly start talking about how she is going to go during March 8. What time she must prepare herself and where should she put the 'X'.
So guys, we should start thinking of what we want rather than should we performe our responsibility as a Malaysian, I guess so.
Tuesday, January 22
excitingly Kuching and its culture
Kuching or called Cat City, is a place where I found a little beauty of Malaysia.
It has to be the nature of the city and its rain forest jungles that preserves the pretty of the State and the country.
I was born a Malaysian and I still carry my MyKad and Malaysia passport.
In another word, a Malaysian la...
It was a five days and 6 nights trip counted from the night of Jan 16 until the night of Jan 21.
Well my trip to Kuching only five days and four nights, after all.
So guess where I stay for my first and last night prior to departure from and arrival in Kedah?
The answers were in the bus and on my cousine's rented house sofa.
Anyway, let's talk about the city of cat.
I never been to this city until my boy friend, chin ping, told me he had planned for a business trip to the city.
At first, it's only a thought of seeing him having a date with him in Kuching.
But it turn out to be my backpacking trip in the city.
Why?
Cause I been 'influenced' by the Sarawak Tourism Board (STB) advertisement and promotion of the place.
From STB, I was fascinated by the local attractions and especially food and cultures.
It's totally different from West Malaysia and I had my eyes opened (bigger than gold fish).
There is something that I insisted in this trip.
That's to have a walk by my own around the city.
Why my backpacking wasn't a walk around trip?
Because, a friend of 'him' decided to ride us here and there.
I'm staying in Borneo Hotel during the trip.
It 's only a ** hotel.
Emm...nothing much, not even a satellite tv.
But it's friendly environment somehow made me feel warm.
Also, even the guards and the receptionists remembered our room number and even our friend's 4WD plat number.
I stayed near to waterfront, a town inside Kuching where the people there usually hang out.
I was closed to almost every shopping mall, famous food stall, temples and many more.
However, Cat Museum, Santubong and the Damai beach were a little bit far away.
In this few days, I missed out The Astana, Fort Mageritha, Gading National Park and six more tourist attractions (forgot the name lol).
The food came in big portion and it worth the price.
Hawkers food are cheap and nice (for me), bu the choice for Halal food is limited.
So far, I had eaten Sarawak mouth watering food but I missed out one, sadly to tell that it is rank in the MUST eat list eh....
U know what I missed out?
Sarawak Ko Lo mee, the dish that used to appear in my dream.
Sigh, what am I thinking when I was there?
How can I missed that?
Somebody please courier to me.....
It has to be the nature of the city and its rain forest jungles that preserves the pretty of the State and the country.
I was born a Malaysian and I still carry my MyKad and Malaysia passport.
In another word, a Malaysian la...
It was a five days and 6 nights trip counted from the night of Jan 16 until the night of Jan 21.
Well my trip to Kuching only five days and four nights, after all.
So guess where I stay for my first and last night prior to departure from and arrival in Kedah?
The answers were in the bus and on my cousine's rented house sofa.
Anyway, let's talk about the city of cat.
I never been to this city until my boy friend, chin ping, told me he had planned for a business trip to the city.
At first, it's only a thought of seeing him having a date with him in Kuching.
But it turn out to be my backpacking trip in the city.
Why?
Cause I been 'influenced' by the Sarawak Tourism Board (STB) advertisement and promotion of the place.
From STB, I was fascinated by the local attractions and especially food and cultures.
It's totally different from West Malaysia and I had my eyes opened (bigger than gold fish).
There is something that I insisted in this trip.
That's to have a walk by my own around the city.
Why my backpacking wasn't a walk around trip?
Because, a friend of 'him' decided to ride us here and there.
I'm staying in Borneo Hotel during the trip.
It 's only a ** hotel.
Emm...nothing much, not even a satellite tv.
But it's friendly environment somehow made me feel warm.
Also, even the guards and the receptionists remembered our room number and even our friend's 4WD plat number.
I stayed near to waterfront, a town inside Kuching where the people there usually hang out.
I was closed to almost every shopping mall, famous food stall, temples and many more.
However, Cat Museum, Santubong and the Damai beach were a little bit far away.
In this few days, I missed out The Astana, Fort Mageritha, Gading National Park and six more tourist attractions (forgot the name lol).
The food came in big portion and it worth the price.
Hawkers food are cheap and nice (for me), bu the choice for Halal food is limited.
So far, I had eaten Sarawak mouth watering food but I missed out one, sadly to tell that it is rank in the MUST eat list eh....
U know what I missed out?
Sarawak Ko Lo mee, the dish that used to appear in my dream.
Sigh, what am I thinking when I was there?
How can I missed that?
Somebody please courier to me.....
Saturday, January 12
罗亿诗 Esa's Album
First of all I want to congratulate my friend, Lor Ee Sar 罗亿诗, as her debut album were release on Dec 2007.
She is a talented person and been working very hard in her career, singing since secondary or earlier (I can't confirm the year here as I had not know her by that time).
Upon debut was release, she had acknowledge everyone in the class of JR2.
I felt so sorry for her as I had forgoted about that due to busy working schedule.
Anyway when I heard her song on-air today it remind me again.
I must get her album as soon as possible now to show my support to her :p
So, those support talented singers must buy her album.
p/s: I still looking for her album cover to be uploaded here, please wait oh.
She is a talented person and been working very hard in her career, singing since secondary or earlier (I can't confirm the year here as I had not know her by that time).
Upon debut was release, she had acknowledge everyone in the class of JR2.
I felt so sorry for her as I had forgoted about that due to busy working schedule.
Anyway when I heard her song on-air today it remind me again.
I must get her album as soon as possible now to show my support to her :p
So, those support talented singers must buy her album.
p/s: I still looking for her album cover to be uploaded here, please wait oh.
Friday, January 11
Something to be proud of
My Nikon D40x and ASUS Z99S
After waited for so many years,
I bought my first and DSLR and my first first-hand notebook.
Yeah...
Having a notebook or a digital camera might not something new in this days.
But being able to buy the gadgets using my own money were something proud to me.
I'm proud that I'm able to go for saving after years of spending wisely on food, books and some 'stupid' stuff which i never use after bought it.
When I looked back on all those days when I was studying in Universiti Tunku Abdul Rahman (UTAR), I used to have more than enough to go travel, buy gadgets or anything in my wish-list.
But sadly, I am not a far-sighted people at that time.
And now, I knew what I should do with the money earned.
I keeps all my allowances claimed in one of my bank account which is for travel only.
Then I bank in a 100 bucks to my 'permanent' saving account, which only used in emergency, but I never withdraw in years.
After pay 550 for car, 175 for notebook, 200 for mobile and 88 for TM Streamyx bills, the balance would be my living and fuel expenses for the month.
Guess how much I left for fuel and food?
RM500?
Is RM200 man. Damn...
Hong Chuan, my nephew, posting for my first shot using D40x
After waited for so many years,
I bought my first and DSLR and my first first-hand notebook.
Yeah...
Having a notebook or a digital camera might not something new in this days.
But being able to buy the gadgets using my own money were something proud to me.
I'm proud that I'm able to go for saving after years of spending wisely on food, books and some 'stupid' stuff which i never use after bought it.
When I looked back on all those days when I was studying in Universiti Tunku Abdul Rahman (UTAR), I used to have more than enough to go travel, buy gadgets or anything in my wish-list.
But sadly, I am not a far-sighted people at that time.
And now, I knew what I should do with the money earned.
I keeps all my allowances claimed in one of my bank account which is for travel only.
Then I bank in a 100 bucks to my 'permanent' saving account, which only used in emergency, but I never withdraw in years.
After pay 550 for car, 175 for notebook, 200 for mobile and 88 for TM Streamyx bills, the balance would be my living and fuel expenses for the month.
Guess how much I left for fuel and food?
RM500?
Is RM200 man. Damn...
Anyway, let's share my happiness together :)
Hong Chuan, my nephew, posting for my first shot using D40xWednesday, January 9
Belated New Year
I wasn't aware that it is 2008.
It is ashame for me, especially a person working in the media industry.
Well it is not a big deal after all right?
Ok...it's 2008.
Let's talk about my new year resolutions.
To wake up before 7am everyday (they said good for your body and especially your skin).
To be punctual at work (I am late for 5 minutes almost every working day!)
Hopefully lose another 7 kilograms.
Saving more money to travel.
Get myself a SLR camera.
Well, talking about travel...
I had won a ticket to Melbourne, Australia, on Dec 7, 2007.
The travel period is from the date until June 2008.
For this, I starting my saving plan by spend only RM5 a day on food (is it impossible on me?)
RM5 a day was not something impossible, cause I had proved it hahahah...
Guess how...
I 'tumpang' lunch at my auntie's house every working day.
Taking light breakfast at home, drinking milo or wheat drinks, with my favourite MyVities biscuits.
And lastly, take my dinner at home or totally not having any dinner at all.
My stomach just can't absorb much food at night, so by eating less for dinner help me to diet as well.
So, I'm looking forward for a healthy and happy year in 2008.
Happy New Year to everybody.
It is ashame for me, especially a person working in the media industry.
Well it is not a big deal after all right?
Ok...it's 2008.
Let's talk about my new year resolutions.
To wake up before 7am everyday (they said good for your body and especially your skin).
To be punctual at work (I am late for 5 minutes almost every working day!)
Hopefully lose another 7 kilograms.
Saving more money to travel.
Get myself a SLR camera.
Well, talking about travel...
I had won a ticket to Melbourne, Australia, on Dec 7, 2007.
The travel period is from the date until June 2008.
For this, I starting my saving plan by spend only RM5 a day on food (is it impossible on me?)
RM5 a day was not something impossible, cause I had proved it hahahah...
Guess how...
I 'tumpang' lunch at my auntie's house every working day.
Taking light breakfast at home, drinking milo or wheat drinks, with my favourite MyVities biscuits.
And lastly, take my dinner at home or totally not having any dinner at all.
My stomach just can't absorb much food at night, so by eating less for dinner help me to diet as well.
So, I'm looking forward for a healthy and happy year in 2008.
Happy New Year to everybody.
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